Updated: Sep 8, 2021
'Fight battles.... nope I am no longer within the battle. They can have it'.
Have you ever made changes for someone else's comfort?
Have you ever attended an event when all you want is to stay home in your pjs?
Have you ever said yes when the correct answer is 'hell no'?
Have you ever listened to someone criticise you for a particular choice?
Have you ever put up with negative behaviour which you knew was toxic but let it go?
Have you ever listened to the opinion of others regarding your appearance?
Well, if you have answered yes, then stop now!
I did - pre-lockdown - and I realised during this period. Over the past year, it has become apparent that the world is off centre and some people are displaying some extremely selfish and unkind behaviour. I feel like the world is in an apocalypse where some people have lost their damn mind.
Whatever happened to kindness, acceptance and selflessness? It seems to be a thing of the past. A lot has happened within the last eighteen months, which has left me feeling anxious and uncertain. Lockdown really helped me to see where I was going wrong in my life. For example...
I dropped whatever I was doing for my 'friends'.
I was always available on the phone, no matter what.
I took on the emotions of people around me as if the situation was my personal experience.
I neglected my needs for others I cared about.
I tried to fit in with some to please them.
I listen to what people thought of me, and I took it to heart.
I tried to fight every battle with my words, which earned me a label with some as being 'aggressive'.
Well, guess what.... after so much peace and solitude I now choose not to be this way. I have decided, after reading and lots of reflection that I now choose...
To be there for my 'likeminded' friends. Notice the 'likeminded'?
Only to be available on the phone when my cup is full.
To step back when listening to the issues of others; by step back I mean not get too involved to the point that it interferes with my emotions. Give the advice and leave it to them to work out.
To make my needs a priority, and if this upsets others then....sorry but so be it.
To live in my authentic self and not try to change for anyone. To live in my truth and follow my heart.
To close the door on any negativity toward me or my character, and step away from the type of people who spew nothing but toxicity. Even if it is with a smile.
Not to fight battles.... nope I am no longer within the battle. They can have it.
People will always have an opinion on you and how you choose to live. You have to heal and find the strength to stand in your truth. This doesn't mean cutting people out or being an arrogant ass. It means loving yourself enough to make your needs a priority.
What has helped me cope with coming out of my 'safety zone'?
Connecting with nature - fresh air, walking on the lawn, gardening, watching animals and immersing myself in water.
Likeminded people - It is amazing that over the past eighteen months the people that have gravitated towards me. There are a few people I have met as little as four weeks ago who are so easy to be around and talk to. I feel like I now have a radar for these personality types and I am living for it.
Social Media - personal accounts are deleted, deleted and deleted. Now my feed for E2E is my only social media outlet and it is amazing how uplifting the posts are in my news feed.
Found other hobbies - I have immersed myself in new projects and creative tasks. Latest is decorating. I am not bad either #wink
Meditation and Breathwork - Wow - this is the biggest. Breathwork has an amazing effect when you feel overwhelmed and anxious. It slows the heart rate and gives your brain an opportunity to slow down and bring you back to the present moment. This I do daily even when I am not having negative feelings as it helps me to remain focussed and present. Meditation gives you that space to go inwards and clear your thoughts. The mind/body connection should be appreciated and practiced daily. Bedtime yoga is a great way to connect the two.
Leave or remove myself when uncomfortable - instead of losing my temper, I now choose to remove myself from stressful situations. I do this as much as I need to and I refrain from judging myself or worrying what others think of my decision.
Choose me - truly, I have always worried about what others think of me, even if I don't let them see it. Now, I choose me and my family. My Team as I call them. If a situation doesn't suit our needs - it must change.
Don't change to make others comfortable and here's why.
People ultimately will do what suits them and what makes them happy. And sometimes the answer they give you is "to hell with you, your feelings and where it leaves you". Not always of course but sometimes it is that harsh. So with that in mind, I am not suggesting that you become selfish, I am merely saying choose you, give yourself compassion and make yourself happy. You are the only person who can make that happen and change. Find something that feeds your mind, body and soul.