How I love you so. I only wish you loved yourself as much. The relationship you are in does not define who you are. I know you are often belittled and made to feel less than, and I know you have hidden it for many years. The emotional scars are visible to the outsiders who love you, it's clear for us to see. Your eyes tell us everything we need to know and I for one feel powerless and am desperate to fix it and take the pain away.
I want so much for you to understand you are a fun and happy person. When you allow that inner child to roam free the change in you is beautiful. Your journey has been a tough one, but I know that you have the strength to overcome all you go through daily.
You must find that inner strength to block the negativity, you must let those words wash over you. You have to include your loving support system who love you so very dearly. One relationship doesn't have to trump all of the others. All of your relationships matter. I know that if those who hold you dear knew what you went through they would tell you to run for the hills. I know you know the answer but I believe you feel alone and have no idea where to start.
I am a mirror, I know this. I know that I am difficult to open up to because the way I show love is through the truth. Sometimes it is tough but the only gear is love. I will always hold up that mirror and make you see that you are more than what you are told day in and day out. I know I can come across as harsh, but that is only because of the frustration I feel watching you go through this.
I beg you to stop repressing your emotions, you don't need to be strong. I beg that you are honest. You don't need to withhold information, for fear that I will judge or lose it. You don't need to be in fear around me or anyone else. I want you to understand that you are immensely loved, valued and worthy of respect. You deserve that.
You no longer have to hide how you feel or your tears. I am your shoulder. I will support you even when things you reveal are hard to hear. I will keep my promise to you. I will be an amazing loyal friend. In order for me to be your friend, you need to confront those demons of the relationship. You need to admit a lot of things are not right and you have to want to do the work. To be a better you, for you and everyone who loves you.
People are counting on you, this is your journey. Your life is more than the bubble of toxicity. Your support system want you to win, to be happy, to have laughter and true love in your life. They love you. Negativity, toxicity, criticism and abuse is not love.
My advice to you is this:
Break free in your mind, that is the first step. Then re-connect with people who have no reason to hurt you or make you feel like you do not matter. Get back to doing what you love - I know you miss it and I know you were bullied to stop. Take control back and stand up, speak up and fight your corner. Stop worrying about the effects on the abuser. Where is the compassion for you? Stop pretending that your life is perfect. People are not stupid. Nor are you. Understand behaviour that is damaging to you and people around you.
Get your life back, stand in the mirror and smile. Tell yourself you are beautiful and worthy. Talk to yourself in a positive way. Energy is everything, stop telling yourself negative things.
You have met your mirror and you won't always like me. But I am your friend, I am telling you truth and I want you know that you are loved.
You told me you hated yourself. This is not the case. You hate the situation you are in. I know because when I see glimpses of freedom you smile from ear to ear. That is not someone who hates themselves. Once you break free, you will feel differently. It won't be easy but nothing ever is. Look in the mirror and bring back that smile. I miss it.
Your Best friend In The World