By BigBuddha ©
"I have always felt a little bit different, like I didn’t fit into the environments I was in. Many years passed as I wore a mask to fit into society. About 12 months ago that all changed. I had someone inspire me to look into spirituality. I started reading, meditating amongst others things. I haven’t looked back, I feel I now understand who I am, what I’m about and want to help others do the same".
As a man, I have been confused about how I should act in terms of showing my emotions. I have lived for a fair number of years, and have been educated and raised in the way I believed was right. A man is strong, tough and doesn’t cry unless he's weak. If you have a problem you solve it, don’t moan about it and sort it. You're upset?! Pull yourself together, suck it up and deal with it. Emotion? What is that?
Damaging Man Quotes
Stop crying, men don’t cry!
Stop acting like a girl!
Suck it up!
You are a man, you should be strong!
Deal with it!
There are many outdated terms that have been instilled in men. These words are embedded in our minds and lead us to block all emotion and become robotic in terms of our behaviour. We have a secret safe in our minds and lock these feelings away, subsequently erasing the combination to the vault of our true emotions. Nothing can break the code, it’s impenetrable.
Well recently I have come to learn it’s not impenetrable and once it’s opened, a lifetime of repression smacks you in the face. All those thoughts and feelings you have ignored come back with a vengeance.
Because guess what...
Men can cry
Men haven’t got to be strong
Men can show emotion
You haven’t "just got to deal with it"
You can ask for help
Why do we have this crazy view of men who show emotions as weak? We are all human, and have feelings. Why can’t men express them? As I mentioned, I have never felt the need to cry, be hugged or speak to someone. The last time I cried I was around 10 years old. I was like a mountain, nothing moved me. I felt lost inside, something didn’t feel right.
"Thoughts about my past hit me and self-realisation shook me to the core".
Something happened not too long ago. Thoughts about my past hit me and self-realisation shook me to the core. All the times I hid my feelings and I didn’t express. I didn’t confront situations and the feelings came flooding back, pinpointing events in my life that explain the person I am today (or was).
Breaking down in tears, feeling I didn’t know who I was and that all I had been told was a lie. Uncovering these past events has triggered many anxiety attacks. Believing I was invincible, impervious to mental health issues, I thought that was for the weak. Let me tell you, anxiety, stress, depression can hit anyone of us. There is no weakness or need to be ashamed of admitting it. Showing emotions and handling your feelings actually shows stronger vibrations.
Initially it is frightening, tapping into past emotions. Dealing with past experiences that are alien to you is so difficult. It hurts, causes confusion and is upsetting. You experience scenarios such as tears of pain, worry and mental arguments. In a word it’s horrible.
This period is tough but you get through it. Confronting the fears and anxiety and allowing yourself to be aware eases the pain. Once you accept what happened and deal with the issue, you become lighter and the anxiety shifts.
I have used various methods.
Talking about my worries
Allowing myself to cry
All the above has helped me in a positive way. I still have bad days but am learning ways to handle the emotions. I am coming to terms with the person I am now and always have been. It’s just society and its ignorant ways that have brainwash us into believing what is right and wrong.
What is right is how you feel, so if you want to cry and show emotion it’s okay. Being told how you should feel is wrong. Anxiety is now part of my life and I accept it. Somedays it is manageable but then other days it’s tough and creeps up and I cry and get upset.
I often ask myself, why me?
The truth is; it is me and it’s okay to admit and feel this way. I have made a promise to my myself, that I will no longer hold my emotions inside and I will not conform to the outdated “man rules” of society.
Written By BigBuddha © 2021
Paul Weller, Frightened, 2000, YouTube
Thank you BigBuddha for this share, it is so important that this message is past down to future generations. It's ok not be ok guys, talk and communicate with people who care. Please head over to Facebook group FB Private Group - Empath for Men.You will receive a warm welcome from a great group of guys who will embrace and converse with you. We see you!